Somebody will find a way to take this way too seriously…

16 September 2010

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: (Sigh) ‘Don’t ! bother. I’ll sit in the dark. I don’t want to be a nuisance to anybody.’

Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman

who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas

canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them,

shouting “Please come out and give yourself up.”

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.

An elderly man visited his doctor and asked for Viagra.

“How many pills did you want?” his doctor asked.

“Oh, maybe six or seven. I cut each one into four pieces,”

the elderly man explained.

“Four pieces? That’s too small a dose to get you through

sex!” the doctor told him.

“Sir, I’m over eighty years old, and I don’t even think

about sex anymore.”

The doctor looked puzzled. “Then why do you want Viagra?”

“I’m tired of peeing on my shoes!”

How do you get down from an elephant?

You don’t. You get down from a duck.

Why do lawyers love playing golf?

It’s the only time they get to dress up like pimps.

How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb and the other to hold the penis…I mean, ladder.

She said…What do you mean by coming home half drunk?

He said… It’s not my fault…I ran out of money.

There were two people walking down the street. One was a musician. The other didn’t have any money either.

What’s the difference between a musician and a savings bond?

The savings bond eventually matures and makes money.

Kid: Dad I want to be a musician when I grow up.

Dad: Son you can’t have it both ways.

Q: What do a guitar solo and premature ejaculation have in common?

A: You know it’s coming and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.

“The amount of money one needs is terrifying…”

– Ludwig van Beethoven

Who’s to blame if California falls into the Pacific Ocean?

It would be the Sam Andrew’s Fault.

Big Brother and the Holding Company