A Colligation of Colporteurs Creates Clerihews

A Colligation of Colporteurs Creates Clerihews

colligation

Colligation:   conjunction, alliance, union

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Colporteur:   (col neck,  porter  carry)  A hawker of books, newspapers, especially one employed by a society to travel about and sell or distribute Bibles and religious writings.

Chet-helms

Shortly before I met him, Chet Helms was a colporteur in Fort Worth while I was trying to be a Cole Porter in San Francisco.

bentley-edmund-clerihew

Clerihew:   named for Edmund Clerihew Bentley, a clerihew is a short comic or nonsensical verse, professedly biographical, of two couplets, rhyming aa, bb, with a syncopated meter and differing in length. Here are a few examples:

christopher

Sir Christopher Wren was to dine with some men.    He said, If anyone calls, I’m designing St. Pauls.

turing

Turing   must have been alluring.    To get made a don     So early on.

chet

Said Chet,      you ain’t seen nothing yet,        This is rock,       what the fock.

bill

Said Bill,         what the hill,            It’s a fight,         and that’s all right.

1beau cerveau dans cette jolie tête

Why don’t you        write a clerihew or two          and send me a few?

2

Sir Humphrey Davy      who abominated gravy      lived in the odium     of having discovered sodium.

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John Stuart Mill      by a mighty effort of will      Overcame his natural bonhomie      and wrote Principles of Economy.

1969-lori-helms-cu

Alfred de Musset       called his cat Pussé.        His accent was affected     which was to be expected.

130313-nice-freudian-slip-paul-ryan-explains-why-he-wants-to-repeal-obamacare

Ahnuld

Then there was Ahnuld         who wanted to be fondled.      Schwarzenegger,   poor begger.

ak

Desiderius Erasmus    suffering from asthmas,       all those sneezes     caused by rotten cheeses.

albert

It was a foible of Voltaire’s     to forget to say his prayers.      And one which to his shame      he never overcame.

argent

Would Benvenuto Cellini      drive a Lambourghini?       Would Alexandre Dumas       sit astride a puma?

artistes

Bertrand Russell      always had to hustle.     He was perfectly serious    but his theorems were mysterious.

asher

This form was evidently      invented by Clerihew Bentley.      He did nothing else well,   but what the hell?

ballet

Moses Maimonides      did his writing overseas.      Striving for amity    in an age of calamity.

bari

G.E. Moore      was rather a bore.         More an old fossil      than a Cambridge apostle.

Beat Paris

Wittgenstein was blotto,     so Einstein wrote a motto.      I’ll not argue with a joker    who has a red hot poker.

bela

belles

Edvard Grieg,   said god,   your writing’s rather odd.     Hall of the Mountain King?    Does it sing?

cru

bouquiniste

Edward Ruscha     is passé?      Painter of the letter,     couldn’t he do better?

cadaver

Jean-Paul Sartre was willing to barter,        Simone de Beauvoir     for a new car.

carina

The California railroad     was closed to Thomas Joad.     Sour grapes, Tom,       keep moving on.

carte_ile_france1

When he was younger        the patience of Felix Unger        was vast        it didn’t last.

chimp

Susan K. Langer wrote a magic twanger        called Philosophy in a New Key    a happy book for me.

devil

ci

There ain’t no disputin’    that Grigori Rasputin      was a tough old coot    and mean to boot.

cleri def

coney 1905

Coney is an island       but not a very high land      it’s just a ridge   seen from the Verrazano Narrows Bridge.

curls

So sad that Thales        never tried Bailey’s.       All that Irish cream      could be a dream.

dan

And poor Baruch Spinoza       never had a mimosa          on Sunday morning     now there’s a warning.

carliz

Hugh Grant’s been caught    with France in his pants.       Now he’s bigger,   go figger.

david

David Aguilar       will go far         to Red Bluff        to show his stuff.

db & bf

Don’t ask Hope         to do dope.        She’d rather be a bat         than do that.

dude

dun

Michael Tyson        could die soon,       but probably not     with what he’s got.

einstein

He said his peter was a meter,        what would a fellow give?     It’s all relative.

julie

Madonna wanna gold statuette, but not yet.

ergaleio

Calvin rhymes with Allvin.      That’s my estimation of predestination.

fiona image

If the reference is inscrutable      and the meaning rather mutable     we can still be certain    of the final curtain.

Frankie

When watching Jerry Lewis         the thing to do is       gape guffaw collapse and fall.

free

It’s difficult to be free, but when it works, it’s worth it.

G Gate 1935

G.W.F. Hegel      is not worth a bagel.      A bagel’s holy    but Hegel’s moly.

arthur kelly

Dennis Rodman, you’re an odd man, but in Korea, they like to see ya.

george III

George

George III      ought never to have occurred       One can only wonder          at so grotesque a blunder.

guitar cat

Friedrich Nietsche       could be a bit preachy.       In all events      he made no sense.

guitar solo

gundersen

Wittgenstein       went out to dine        and by mistake      he ate a snake.

Memphis, Otis, Muddy, Bill, Sonny Boy, Big Joe, Len, Victoria Spivey, Willie, Matt

Sir John Gielgud said “I don’t feel good, cause I can’t park in Denmark.”

GW Bush 1966

George W. Bush was a well known tush.       There was never any knowing where he was  going.

HEADS

M.C. Escher        was never under pressure          to write a book     but look!

hendrix_chethelms

In all the realms of Chet Helms       Jimi  would shimmy.

HIPPIES

Poor Merle Haggard was absolutely staggered        when his bride to be said “I am she.”

hope

It’s de Borse, of course     she’s a star who’s moving far.

Dixon, Big Joe, Memphis Slim

King Kong was strong, but he took all day to love Fay Wray.

impasse

Sir James Dewar     was smarter than you were.      None of you asses      can put scotch in glasses.

jalousie

Lizzie Shaw knew how to draw,        but her paintings       caused faintings.

john george

The Spanish think Cervantes     is worth a million Dantes.      Which is resented bitterly       in Iterly.

jump

John Gay wrote Mack the Knife, they say.    To William Blake this would be opaque.

june

King John     a sine qua non?     I could imagine it of another Plantagenet.

HOB Crumb

Elizabeth Taylor never married a sailor, and in her position she’d refuse a musician.

key

Dante Alighieri always shunned a dairy.      He wrote the Inferno with a bottle of Pernod.

mac

Cecil B. De Mille had to take a pill         and leave poor Moses     with a Sinatic psychosis.

mag

Alexander Selkirk was no good at hotel work.       He told his man Friday      he could never be tidy.

magd

James Joyce had a lovely voice       So beautiful it would make     Finnegans wake.

mappa-parigi-turistica

E.C. Bentley didn’t study very intently.         He followed his muse and made clerihews.

Albert

Albert King could really sing,    he did just fine under that sign.

medic

mich

Tom Hanks      has a lot in the banks.       His earnings took a jump when he chose to do Gump.

moscow

Bill Gates      had a lot of dates       and pink slips      before cashing in his chips.

My_Romance-Doris_Day_1962

nam

Cher       to    compare         has more money      than Sonny.

Little Walter

Little Walter he’d never falter,       he was the best,   forget the rest.

nina

Nina was the Queen of the Nile with that smile.

nue

Howard Stern could earn      more money if he were funny.

siteon0

Organdi

Oh, Héloise, give me a squeeze and it wouldn’t be amiss if you’d add a kiss.

outsider44

If Cato met Plato, he might say, “Stay away!”

spicy

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William Hurt removed his shirt and there were ripples on his nipples.

Paris

Ah, oui, Paris, it’s plain you’re in Seine.

paul betty

Gwyneth Paltrow has no faults, though, women are jealous they tell us.

sthubert_colporteur_patente

peace too

This lassie has a lovely chassis, but under that fur, is that really her?

ingrid

Rudolph Valentino, il bello latino, was he a Sheik, or was he fake?

clerihew.jpg?w=500

person hole

Clark Gable was able when Colbert saw his underwear.

Qui?

Tom Cruise makes big news when he insults strange cults.

red

Sylvester Stallone should leave it alone, cause he’s schlocky with Rocky.

rolling

Jann Wenner a winner?  Not in Austin or Boston.

clerihew

femme

Joe Pesci, you’d never guess he      had a high IQ and this woman too.

la_vie_penible_et_laborieuse_du_colporteur_esmieu

sal han

Sally Hanreck has a nice neck, she paints too and loves blue.

Colporteur

Sandrine Bonnaire

Sandrine is so clean and fresh, I guesh.

edmond

sandrine

Spike Lee is talented, agree?  I like his pics but not his Knicks.

billy eckstein & june

Billy Eckstine sings fine, and June is his tune.

53901486.COLPORTEUR

saudade

Danny de Vito can’t go incognito, cause he’s an item ad infinitum.

MarkTwainCloseup-1-1-1

Scolaire

Jim Carrey would like to marry      Emma Stone, he’s not alone!

egw-colporteur_ministry

natalie

Charlton Heston was best in        What?  Squat.

simone de beauvoir

Au revoir, Simone de Beauvoir,   you’re so sensual…  so existential.

Situwuka & Katkwachsnea 1912

John Maynard Keynes     was using his brains    when he became a prancer  with that dancer.

Nicolas-Bentley-Cartoons-Punch-1959-05-13-642

steel

Julian Assange says, “Qu’ils mangent du gâteau,” it’s so.

steve terra

And then there was Steve who said I believe Terra couldn’t be fairer.

joss

Joss could be my boss    if she’d release Piece.

la-musicienne-et-le-colporteur-affiche-redim-1398

tgf

Joe Healey doesn’t feel he’s     alone in Cologne.

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Evelyn Waugh is as funny as Shaw,   said Penny Marshall, but, then, she’s partial.

yak

George Orwell tried to foretell     that we would be sore in 1984.

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Or that there could be harm on the Animal Farm.    Did we hear?   Did we fear?

Les with Tele

Is that a Fender bender   in thrall to Les Paul?

lady bo

Pierre Abelard took it hard     when Lady Bo said, “Later, bro.”

Sam Houston Andrew III

David Hume, we can safely assume, thought Sam a ham.

Though when Wittgenstein had too much wine, he thought Sam fine.

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